Stick that in your survey!

You know you work somewhere special when your colleagues make for interesting drinking companions. Going to work is a joy, the people there make me laugh, have great stories and the actual works not bad too. Unlike every other job I’ve ever done I can see me staying here for quite a while.

Wants to stay coal

There has been a lack of posts since my contentment and happiness has been on the rise and why is that? Some theories are that maybe I want to keep my good spirits to myself (on here I’m not doing that), but its silly I broadcast happy vibes to anyone I chat to. Another is that after many a year in being a generally down and cynical bastard I’m not sure how to write happy. I write what I know and I dont know content and happy very well. Pieces have come to a standstill and I’m not that bothered I’d never trade in this state of mind for creativity (or lack thereof according to the annoyingly anonymous peeps round ere) . Spontaniety is the name of the game, no plans no expectations and don’t hold back on the speech, say whats on the mind no matter how out there. I don’t think Joyce would be impressed with my incessant ranting and banter but I bet i could talk that mother fuckers ears off and pin em to my wall as a trophy.

Ted.

There has been an urge recently to read the kind of books my Grandfather used to read. Horror novels and thrillers were books we used to read, swap and talk about often untill our falling out and his subsequent death. The books remind me of the good times we had together and its a way to feel closer to him. I was very impassive when he died I’m forever gald of the chance to hug him one last time but for years following I never thought about him much, even with Nan living with us for a time. I like reading books I know he would have liked and ones he did. I miss him very much.

Free For All

Realising that one isn’t crazy for having rationally sound opinions on things is a highly liberating experience. There are people to thank for that. People suck, but people also rock. Finding out whose who isn’t always fun, but its certainly worth it. Gotta figure out who are the prisoners and who are the warders.

Bleed for enjoyment.

Not broken anything in 26 years till my nose last week. I’ve found the experience to be an interesting adventure. It was a full stop, something that helped cement some things in my brain.

Further On Up the Road.

Remorse has made me cautiously optimistic and it gives me some hope in the goodness in people. I’m unsure if I can’t put myself out there and be proactive in getting us back on track, but I’m open to the possibility of continuing on if he can take a step.

Meds.

8 days off the pills and I’m doin fine. Sleep and eating is somewhat affected and there is an emotional buzz, but nothing that I can’t handle. I’ll see how I go.

Happy

I am. 4 years and 8 months later I’ve found contentment and happiness. It’s harder to write when happy, but I’m up for the challenge. I know myself, what I’m capable of and I like me. Others seem to like me aswell, but I’m not going to dwell on craziness.

Nosey

The weekend has taught me things and reinforced others. Whilst its a good idea to take a step back from people it can only be done if you move forward in other directions, writing, reading more and establishing myself with people at work. I am absolutely happy in my own skin there are good people there for me and some awesome stories to hear from new ones. My expectation has lowered and life more fun. The broken nose did not subtract from my weekend it added. It was all one big adventure.

Laughing in the Face Of

Damn I’m down in this pit again
saw a ladder and climbed on out
Forgot the urge to be alone
take that red paint and go wild
Better prepared for the darkened clouds
twirl that umbrella and laugh out loud

Déjà vu and I’m goin mad
wishin I had voilent hands
Final drink from this empty cask
swap the pit for another trap
Reckless abandon on a booze fueled night
lost myself but it never lasts

Dropped expectations in my fellow man
was sacrificed for their plans
Stepping into a younger skin
recommitting that same old sin
Found that urge to be alone
poured that red paint over my soul