C’mon late August!

Okay I’m giddy and excited so what! After checking out afew websites to make sure things are open etc its good to know the idea I had can be put into motion depending on the day.

Put your tongue into the mouth piece and whisper in my ear

Grief councillors, people crying, interviewing separated parental manic depressives. Work takes on a sombre note and the comfortable distance I have with people is hard to maintain. I’m never the rock I want to be I know that, but I’d prefer not to show any vulnerability to a large number of people.

I’m sad that a good man dies and the world keeps turning.

A work colleague died last night and I’m stunned. I’m one of those lucky types unaffected by death except by grand parents so this threw me. The guy from work was a superviser and one of the great ones in a good bunch. While he had a very optimistic personality he could often meet my brand of humour and beat it. He shut me up more than most people and he was funny as hell. Whilst we were not friends we liked each other and got along. Most of the superviser’s at work look like they are in their early 30’s or more but he was 26.

I found out at work and headed off to the Drunken Poet for drinks with many work mates to share stories and put songs on the juke box. I left before many off them feeling too down to keep up my usual cynical sarcastic facade. I needed time alone with some booze and wrap my head around it. In some ways I still can’t believe it, I spoke to him yesterday and we worked at the same place together for around 18 months.

Today I wanted the world to stop even if for an hour.

Anxiety Seperation

In my line of work you don’t want to be doing a social research survey with seperated familes whilst going through a depression. Not a highlight of mine from last year and now that I’m back on that same survey I was anxious at first but its quite easy. Yup I’m well adjusted (What?)

500

Yup taken for mad has hit the half way mark to 1000. I still love it here and don’t see any end in sight.

Have fun.

Luke.

Shake Your Blood

All is well now that I got my first big pay in a while. Got some badly needed new shoes and a hair cut, squared off debts with money to spare! I’ll save most of whats left and live light, next pay a ticket to Bane!

I’d been bummed recently because of the long wait between now and August, but the other day before, during and after work instead of being frustrated by the wait I turned those feeling on their head and now I’m just excited that each day passing brings me closer. Surprisingly I have Metal to thank for that. Long walks and some speed or thrash really lets all the bullshit out.

And Never Let Go

The shadows are me
this torch is for you
take all my darkness but leave me some room
I’ll never, never disappear
keep shinin on me you know I’ll be happier here

I swam in the ocean
you were the harpoon
right through my heart
with plenty of room
you hooked me, and never let go
you don’t reel me in so I’ll have to swim to your boat

I’m the cold iron striking
when its too late
the dishwashers full
when I come with my plate
I don’t have, all the time in the world
I only live once, so I better start makin some moves

There is a condition
won’t allow me to wait
there is a wall thats
too hard to scale
being impulsive, can be a virtue
no dipping your toes in, jump until your soaked to the bone

You are the one
whose between every line
and on any canvas
you would be the art
I’m in the foreground, trying to catch up
by saying yes, you’ve put me in the middle of the frame

Swift and taut

I’m certainly not very good at the whole asking women out, striking when the irons hot kinda thing. When either shyness or my standard unable to open up raises its ugly head, impulsion will eventually take over. Which is what happened. I won’t be in Bane again till the 19th of August and I wanted to ask a very cool girl out and didn’t last time I was up there. I was to impatient to wait over 30 days to do it so I used the phone. It worked out very well and thus my frustration at being here arises. I just want to see her. 36 days to go.

I have a condition known as impatience

Its been a decent week for the writing finished a couple more things that will surface when I’m not too tired, my throat is playing games, I’m avoiding sleep again, the net was down for a couple days which pushed back the booklet plans, I did something impulsive which payed off, but has made me curse at the phenomenon known as time and I’ve been in a darkly sarcastic mood. I put the last part down to my having to wait till August to see someone special, frustrating as hell which has put me in a mood.

Will be good to see D and talk to T properly as well as some other people Sunday night, then back to counting the days.

Fourteen Days

Outside the train station
carrying a bag of sadness
I say I’ll come back

She nods and says okay
but the way she looks at me
is hopeful disbelief

Leaving the airport
no smoking signs surround me
I’m back in Brisbane

I have
to wait till Monday
to see her again
anticipation builds

At the pub for second drinks
theres a familiar face
whose lost his dearest thing

His heart is in his glass
reminiscing of the past
are they truly at an end?

His loss spans the oceans
I cannot fathom it
or reach out to him

Befriending
a German who tests
my trust in strangers
she became my new sister

In the Valley I’m misplaced
she’s running late
I’m pointed toward Chinatown

Finally face to face
dinner in a quiet space
we talk of everything

Eye contact is constant
neither of us can stop smiling
or eating each others food

We discover
an inability to read
the opposite sex
and say what we feel

On the riverbank its raining
jumping on the CityCat
tie whipping in the wind

Back at the hostel hoping
to write in peace and silence
at the table people gravitate

Despite my best efforts
I can never be alone here
I’m happy for diversions

Relaxed
in the company of strangers
we share no history
bonds form easily

We meet by Casablancas
sharing some Thai food
my God shes beautiful

Sharing silly jokes
missing the punchlines
I’m lost in her eyes

Walls still hold us back
no one takes the plunge
we’re still not there

I never
wanted it to end
because I’m never sure
when I’ll see her again

Can’t get myself together
too much uncertainty
where do I go from here?

The days are mine alone
walking the city streets
replaying the evening

Was there an opening
a way to open up the door?
I’m never quite sure

Gambling
isn’t in my blood
I hold the die too tightly
and rarely let them roll

Construction sounds are close
I put on my headphones
the batteries gone flat

Next day the sounds are closer
drifting off to music
a hole opens up near my head

Covered in plaster dust
screaming at the jackhammer
in my underwear

A man
lost inside a book
on his last day in the country
I offer him a victory

The merry band of backpackers
help me win the quiz night
we celebrate like vikings

Stumbling upon the plans
to build a makeshift boat
and sail in the river

Leaving the land rover
stealing parts that we need
heart pounding at the thievery

Too lazy
we never built that boat
but we all joined forces
and got pissed in the park

Everyone else backs out
I’m feeling drunk and fearless
putting on a pink dress

Singing at karaoke
dress riding up above my hips
the photographs are everywhere

We leave for another place
not bothering to get changed
oblivious to stares

A guy
who doesn’t hear no
tried his luck with me
he’s lucky he went unscathed

Friday night I’m nervous
I leave the shirt and tie
walking to the West End

In a Greek resturant
we make each other laugh
the tables been long cleared

Listening to my adventures
and my love for her town
she asks, why don’t I move here?

To have
A brand new start
get away from Melbourne
and come here to stay

A rugby game is playing
stuck on the William Jolly
I tell her I’ll be back

A final look in each others eyes
saying our goodbyes
theres hope no disbelief

Hope is always there
no need to despair
in the pub I wanna celebrate

The last night
I party with the band
making it harder not to stay
right here in Brisbane

In the cold morning
having my last cigarette
whilst admiring the view

Theres unfinished business
and I’m outta time
I need longer than two weeks

The decision has been made
to join my new sister
and move to a town I call Bane

It was hard
to accept I couldn’t stay
but as the days keep passing
I know I’ll see her again