Swimming for a short time

I cannot remember when I heard a piece of music so sharp.

Crossroad cliche

I feel like I’m at one of those crossroad things y’know? A decision has to be made as to what I want to do, but yeah thats right I have no idea. Do I want to move north or stay here? Do I want to keep writing and try to make something of it or would I prefer to just keep going like this and keep it mostly to myself. Do I want to pursue her any longer or do I want to see if Melbourne holds something for me. Am I just so comfortable with the familiar that I don’t want to change anything?

I know before the year is out I should make a decision. Whilst I’m content with the existence I have, there’s  something missing. Is it a woman or ambition?

Solitudinal Routines

What is it about being alone that I find so comfortable? I’ve not been doing too much in the way of socialising except when I’m at work where I get my fill of interaction then I just want to be by myself again. Rince repeat.

I’m perfectly comfortable with people, but I always look forward to moments when I can just put on my headphones and just exist in my own little world.

Hey Foxymophandlemama, That’s Me

I’ve done the whole childhood nostalgia kick in terms of music and old shows I loved back then and now I’m revisiting my teen years, which I’ve done in the past but only in dribs and drabs. Been getting back into the grungy and punky 90’s stuff that carried me through my teens.

Spanner to the brain

Partying with backpackers is a fun experience, but to party with my buds theres not much better. T’s party was nothing how I thought it’d be, I’d anticipated awkwardness and just chilling with my SRC mates and D among others. What I had was a very pleasant evening of drinking, singing and yeah my loud obnoxiousness was in top form, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t make a fool of myself or offend anyone which is always a bonus.

Two big surprises for me was getting along with the ex and her man, I chatted to her for a long time. None of us expected it and neither did some of the other party goers. When they left, the ex never could handle her booze, I was happy to find that any and all lingering feelings of anger, bitterness and hate were gone. I wasn’t looking forward to seeing them and we chatted a bit and she  said it was good to see me, that really threw me and I was able to relax.

The night was filled with memorable moments and I hope it isn’t too long untill the next house party.

Bitching

It felt good and I was suprised what came out of my mouth, but I’m glad it was with C. Afterwoods I was in great spirits.

No Questions

Work how I enjoy the employees you have. Was good to see some of the peeps again and since work is apprently low and I’m doing day shifts it might take longer to see some others. I’m all sorted for hours for a few weeks having been briefed on a couple of jobs. Both of them are balls but the company I’m with makes it alllllll right.

“Any questions?”

“NOOOOO”

Sweetened

Sigh, I’m reading newspapers again in another attempt to give a shit about the world around me. Usually I’ll start and a month or two later I get in a real shitty cynical mood. I’m always in a mood these days and much more relaxed with my outlook on things. Time will tell though if I can stick with it and not just read the crime reports.

I’m out of bourbon, I can stand up.

As a little challenge I’ll stay dry till T’s party. I know I could keep doing the everynight or multiple times a week thing for a long while, its in my genes, but there really is no need. I’m home and I’m feeling happy, theres no anger inside of me and nothing I need to escape from. So lets keep it social for a time.

Wait & See

I live for these weeks
alone with my vices
my only struggles are anticipation
and the paranoic imagination
of a pessimist
home is all about dreaming
reality is about having faith
and finding patience

With one thought in mind
everything, no matter its importance
is a distraction
a snack to tide you over
until hunger can be satisfied
I keep busy and wait
for a word or sign
and indulge in the frivolity holidays entail